The Dead and the Damned
by Fatcat91
Summary: He was the last of them, the very last. He thought he had mourned their passing. But now the ghosts of the past are back and he is not sure he can face them.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I did not create therefor I do not own the Ninja Turtles. I just play around with them. They should be afraid, very, very afraid.

**Warnings:** Swearing, Fighting, Possible blood and gore. You know the usual.

**Rating:** T for Teen (just to be on the safe side)

**Authors Note:** This is the first story for the TMNT group. I apologize if they are out of character, I am still having trouble getting down their personalities. This is unbetaed so all spelling and grammar mistakes are mine. Other than that enjoy the story.

* * *

Master Splinter was the first to go. He was getting on in years and one winter was just harder then the rest. In the summer he got sick and after several months of fighting the sickness, his body just gave up. His death was probably the easiest to deal with. He and his family had time to say their goodbyes. But it was his death that started the others on their path.

He remembered sitting with his Master the night he slipped beyond his reach. He made his Master his favorite tea and was reading aloud his favorite story; a story of four brothers living in a world of shadow and night yet still believing in the light. His death was nothing dramatic. No final cries, no begging, no pleading, no talking to people long dead. He simply was there with him then he was gone. He remembered calling to his brothers and listening to their pained cries. The ceremony for their father and Master was a small one. Only three people showed up to the funeral. There were two humans, who had become family and the Domiyo who controlled the multiple universes.

In their grief he and his brothers pulled closer together then ever before and for a while he was sure that they would over come their grief. In his hope for his family he failed to see the darkness and despair in his younger brother. It was nearing a year after their fathers death he finally noticed the despair in his younger brother Raphael's eyes. He tried everything he could to help his younger brother. He tried talking to him, lectures, threats, begging, pleading, nothing worked. It had gotten to a point where he had to follow his brother's every move to make sure he returned home alive. It had started off small; staying longer above ground, having a few drinks to many, coming home a bit roughed up. But it soon started to escalate. Raphael would return home with broken bones and covered in blood that wasn't his. His drinking turned to drugs and he was more violent on drugs.

The hardest decision he ever had to make was kicking his younger brother out of his home. Raphael had come home on drugs higher then he had ever been. He entered the dojo and started throwing things and screaming obscenities. When the youngest of his brothers tried to approach him, he went wild. He attacked his brother: hitting, punching, screaming, and eventually stabbed him with the weapon his Master gave him, his sai. He told Raphael when he was sober that it was his family or the drugs. He chose the drugs.

The next morning Raphael left his home, never to return. He watched from the door as his younger brother packed his belongings. He had hoped that time away would help his brother, but he was wrong. He felt guilty sending his brother away but he needed to protect his other brothers from the monster he became when he was on drugs. Every week until Raph's death he would visit and try to help him change. One morning in the middle winter he found him dead. He was face down in a puddle of his own vomit. He had overdosed on a new brand of drug that had been just introduced to the underworld. Raph had died weak and alone. It was something that he could never forgive himself for; for leaving his brother to die alone not knowing he was loved. They buried him next to their father. Only Casey and April, the two humans, came.

That was a year before the virus struck. It was a genetically altered version of the rabies virus and it killed or changed over ninety-nine percent of the population. The remaining one percent would spend their time trying to survive the new world. It was during the first year that Donatello died. They had foolishly assumed that since they were mutant turtles that they were immune to the virus. He had spent hours upon hours with the infected trying to find a cure. He never did find one and his nobility cost him his life. He was also one of the unlucky ones. Instead of dying he changed. Changed into an unrecognizable monster. Donatello met his end at the tip of one of his swords. He died in the fall. They buried him next to his father and brother. The once strong group of five was now reduced to a barely surviving group of two.

For several years it was just the two of them, the oldest brother and the youngest brother. Their two human friends had perished in the second year of the virus. April died from the virus and Casey from his katanas. They were buried in a cemetery close to the old lair. Though they knew of the life in the shadows, the two humans had lived in the light and had deserved to have their eternal rest in the light. With almost no humans around they could now live in the light. It was a hard adjustment not to hide in the shadows, but that was were the changed lived, with their red eyes and pale skin. The shadow and night that was once so comforting and safe, was now frightening and deadly.

He wished he had kept a closer eye on his youngest and only remaining brother. If he had he might have noticed how changed he had become. He was so busy trying to keep his remaining family alive that he failed to notice that Michelangelo was slowly dying before his very eyes. Long gone were his smiles and jokes and pranks. All that was left was an angry, upset turtle. For three years he watched as his youngest brother faded away. It was spring when Michelangelo finally died leaving him behind. He was standing on edge of a tall building overlooking the empty city when he found him. He barely said Michelangelo's name when he watched him fall over the edge. When he got to street level all there was, was a broken corpse. He picked it up gently and carried it to his family's burial site. He buried him with the rest of his family. He was now the last of a once powerful family. He, Leonardo Hamato, was the last of the ninja turtles.

Leonardo left the burial site and returned every year to keep the place clean. Each journey was a chance for repentance for failing his family. Each time he traveled the path to the graveyard he was vulnerable to attack from the changed. He continued to live above ground in the silent city as he waited for his death. It had been ten years since his Master died when he found them; a little boy and girl. The girl looked about ten years old and was standing between the little boy and a grown man holding an axe above his head.

"Daddy, please don't," Leonardo heard the girl cry. He acted on instinct as he leaped down from the building. He some how got between the girl and the man.

"You don't want to do this," he said to the man.

"I have to. They aren't my children any more. Can't you see? They aren't my children. They're monsters," the man ranted. Leonardo had un-holstered his gun. It had been many years since he started using a gun yet the gun still felt awkward in his hands. The crazed man charged for an attack. The only thing Leonardo could do was to shoot the man and put him out of his misery.

"Why did you kill him," the girl asked as if she were talking about the weather.

"He was going to kill you. I couldn't allow that to happen," Leonardo responded.

"Why? What are we to you?"

"Repentance," was all he said. The girl studied him for a moment before moving closer to him.

"Can we follow you?" the girl asked.

"Yes," Leonardo answered. He started walking away unsure if they were following. He waited a moment before he heard the soft pitter-patter of small feet. For a moment it reminded him of when he and his brothers would try to sneak up on Master Splinter.

"My name is Ellis," the little girl said. Used to not talking for many years Leonardo said nothing in return.

"His name is Joe at least that's what I call him. Me and daddy found him wandering the streets near Joe's market place. He doesn't talk much," Ellis said pointing to the small boy walking next to them. He looked about five years old, had sandy blond hair and sea green eyes. He didn't look at either Leonardo or Ellis as he walked. Leonardo looked down at the small girl and studied her. She had a small slender frame, dark brown hair and eyes. He had a feeling that she would get into as much trouble as Raph did.

"What's your name?" The little girl's question brought him out of his thoughts.

"Leonardo Hamato. You can call me Leo if you wish."

"Leo . . . Like Leo the Lion. Hey Leo why are you green?"

"Because I'm a mutated turtle."

"A turtle? Hey Joe, Leo's a turtle. Isn't that cool." For the first time in years Leonardo felt himself start to smile.

He watched as Ellis and Joe grew up. To them he was their protector, savior, and guardian. To him they had become his family. He protected them like he had his brothers and father though this time he was less strict. He smiled as he thought of what his Master would have thought now that he was a father of two human children. On occasion they would meet a small band of humans traveling through the empty city. They never stayed long. He also taught his children the way of the ninja just like Master Splinter had done all those years ago.

They had stumbled upon the weapons room and begged and pleaded to be taught how to use them. He did not think there was any harm in teaching them and even thought that it would even help protect themselves from the changed and other dangers.

It was not a surprise to Leonardo that Ellis inherited Raphael's sai. She was a lot like him with a bit of Donatello mixed in. She was rash and had passion but was also clever and thought more of the consequences. Joe was more like Michelangelo mixed with Donatello. He was smart like Ellis but was more carefree and loved movies and comics. He was also the prank king when he trusted you enough. What did surprise Leonardo was that Joe inherited Donatello's staff instead of Michelangelo's nunchakus. He was sure that Joe would have gravitated closer to his youngest brother's weapon instead of his second youngest brother's weapon. Leonardo was still proud of both of his students.

He still made his yearly pilgrimage to the gravesite though now he brought both his students. He had waited until he was sure that they would make it without being injured. The first trip to the cemetery was a loud one with lots of questions about his brothers. Ellis did most of the talking. What was Mikey like? Why were you guys named after old painters? Did Raph really have my sai? Those were just a few of the questions that Ellis asked. Joe's questions were more scientific. How did the lair get power? Where did you get food? The questions were endless and for Leonardo therapeutic. It gave him a chance to grieve and celebrate the life of his dead family. He told his kids all sorts of stories of their adventures. The stories about the Shredder were a favorite and were asked for every night before they fell asleep.

One day when they were scavenging for supplies Leonardo stumbled upon an abandoned factory full of the changed. The interesting part that drew Leonardo to venture further in to the lab was the high number of changed animals. He knew that animals could change like the humans but he had never seen such a high concentration of changed animals. He killed more and more changed as he traveled further and further in to the labs. He eventually found a computer that had logs about what the lab was researching. Using his limited hacking skills he learned from Donatello he hacked in to the computer. He snarled in anger when he learned that Foot scientists were responsible for the virus. They had been trying to make some sort of cure for mutations and administered it to the general public before it was complete. He cursed himself for his failure of not killing the shredder sooner. He vowed that if another power hungry person like the Shredder ever came to power he would not do the honorable thing and fight with swords, he would just go up to him and shoot the idiot at point blank range with a shot gun.

It had been nearly two decades since his master died. Leonardo was now forty-two years old. Ellis had just turned twenty and Joe was fifteen. He noticed that both Ellis and Joe were becoming more and more restless. He knew it would be soon that they would need to go find other humans and create their own family. He also felt the need to finally leave New York. He had been there all his life; it was now time to move on. He might return one day, but he knew it in his heart that it would be a very long time before he would see his city again. The night before they were to leave, Leo fell asleep on the couch waiting for Ellis to return home from one of her runs.

He awoke to the soft patter of feet across the floor. Thinking it was Ellis he called out.

"Go to sleep Ellis, we're leaving tomorrow early."

"Who's Ellis, Fearless?" came a familiar voice that he hadn't heard since the winter his younger brother died.

"Raph!" He said as he leaped off the couch. He stared wide-eyed at his long dead brother.

"Leo?"

"What time is it?" he asked. He was tense as he faced his ghost.

"About two in the morning. So who's Ellis?" his brother said. Leo sniffed the air and could smell the alcohol on his brother's breath.

"Have you been drinking?" Leo said ignoring Raph's question. He believed it was a dream and planned on telling his long dead brother a few home truths.

"Yeah, what about it?" Raph snapped. Leo fought the urge to shake his brother. Why couldn't he see that he would self destruct before he reached eighteen, that his actions were effecting his family and it was not in a good way? But its just a dream, Leo thought, I can't change anything.

"I can't deal with this. Go to bed Raph, we have practice in the morning," was all he said.

"Why should I?" Raph growled. Leonardo knew that his brother's temper was raising but he couldn't bring himself to care. All he was doing was talking to his subconscious. He knew he should have been shocked, confused or a least vaguely happy to see his dead brother but all he felt was numb. He mourned for his family, was still mourning for his family yet there one was, seemingly alive and well.

"Well Fearless? Why. Should. I." He accentuated his words by poking Leo's plastron with his finger. Leo didn't know what exactly happened that made him snap. Maybe it was the shock from seeing his ghost, maybe it was the silence of the city, maybe it was the resentment he held for his hot-headed younger brother for leaving him alone. Whatever the cause, Leo pulled his arm back and punched Raphael in the jaw.

"The hell, Leo?" Raph snarled as he recovered from the punch.

"You stupid idiot," Leo snarled as he threw another punch. Raph blocked the punch with his forearm.

"Leo!" Raph shouted as he dodged a kick. He tried to do a flip out of Leo's path but was caught by a kick to the head.

"You stupid, moronic, damned, idiot," Leo shouted as he dodged one of Raphael's punches.

"Leo, stop it!"

"You had everything! Sure we couldn't save everyone but that wasn't our job! Why did you have to be so damn selfish," Leo screamed as he threw another punch at his ghost and guilt.

The noise had brought three unwanted guests to the room. Leo paid them no mind and decided to concentrate on his immediate younger brother. Leo was angry; Very, very angry. His brother had left him alone to protect his family, didn't even realize that he was grieving for his master too. When he turned to drugs, it was just too much.

"My sons, stop this fighting at once," Leo heard his dead father yell. He ignored it and continued throwing punches and insults.

"I'm tryin' to mastah, but its easier said than done," He heard Raph say.

"I did everything for you, tried everything for you and nothing worked. Lectures, fights, begging, nothing ever worked for you and I hate you for it. You left me alone, damn it, you left me alone," Leo screamed. "Then everything went to hell."

"What are you talkin' about bro? You're not makin' any sense." That sentence made Leo stop. It was so confused, so normal, so . . . Raph. He stopped talking, stopped fighting. For the first time he looked around. He saw his ancient father looking on in concern, his two younger brothers staring in shock and his immediate younger brother, bruised and panting for breath. Just as he stopped his strength and adrenaline suddenly vanished. He fell to his knees utterly exhausted. He felt a strong pair of arms circle around him. He knew exactly who it was without even looking. After all those years he still knew his brothers comfort.

"Bro?" came the timid question. That one word said so many things. It said, "Are you okay?" "Do you want to talk about it?" and most important of all, "I love you."

"Why did you have to leave me alone? Why? I tried everything for you and still you left. Why?" Just like his strength, Leo found his consciousness leaving too. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep in his dead brothers arms.

He didn't know what time it was when he awoke. All he knew was that it was dark and quiet. He opened his eyes and found himself staring at the ceiling of the abandoned lair. How the hell did I get here, Leo thought to himself. There was suddenly a loud snore coming from nearby. Sitting up he saw an apparition of his brother.

"The hell?" he groaned as he sat up. The couch he was laying on squeaked and creaked as he changed his position. The noise woke the sleeping turtle.

"Leo, you okay now?" Leo looked at his brother. He was tense as if waiting for him to start attacking. It took Leo a moment for his memories, or was it dreams, to catch up to him.

"Master Splinter? And Mike-"

"I sent them back to sleep," Raph murmured. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not tonight Raph. Please just not tonight," Leo pleaded. He felt the familiar sting of tears and willed himself not to wipe his eyes. Maybe it was the tremble in his voice, or his shivering body, or the watery eyes; whatever the reason Raph just knew something was not right with him. Leo watched as Raphael's posture relaxed.

"Leo?"

"Just go. Please Raph just go."

"Leo-"

"We'll talk in the morning, I promise." Leonardo watched as his brother retreated in to his room. As soon as Raph was gone he wandered around the lair. It was just like he remembered. The kitchen was a mess, full of un-cleaned dishes, pots and pans. The old television and lumpy couch was exactly where he remembered it. He soon found himself in front of Michelangelo's room. He gulped before he opened the door just a crack. Inside he could see his youngest brother fast asleep on his bed. He thought he heard Mikey mumble something about pizza. He had to bite his lip to keep from sobbing. As silent as a shadow he closed the door and continued wandering around the lair.

His next stop was in front of his second youngest brother's lab. He stood in front of the door for nearly a half hour. He was afraid to enter. Would he see what was last there? Would he see the lifeless corpses of the people his brother tried to save? Would he see the broken beakers, the destroyed equipment, the blood splatters? Would he see his brother's corpse? Taking a breath he opened the lab door. Instead of broken computers and blood splatters, he found a disorganized mess. Notes were spread across every surface, unknown experiments bubbled in the corner, gizmos and gadgets that he had no idea how they worked were spread all over the place. The glow of one of the computers illuminated his younger brother. He was hunched over the computer, fast asleep. Leonardo left the lab quickly as guilt overwhelmed him.

He found himself if front of his Masters bedroom. He dared not enter. How could he face his father after all he had done? How could he look his father in the eye when he failed to protect his family? How could he talk to his Sensei when it was he who abandoned one brother, killed another brother and failed the last brother? He fled from the door and found sanctuary in the old dojo.

The dojo was no longer dusty from disuse. It was as he remembered. The weapon's rack was in the corner, its weapons clean and ready for use. The meditation mats lay to the side waiting to be used. The mirror was polished and cleaned, showing his shadowed form. He took one of the meditation mats and sat in the middle of the dojo. He didn't meditate but sat and thought about his situation. He had given up on meditation the day Mikey died. He gave up on a lot of things after the death of his last family member. He gave up his honor, his bushido.

As he sat in the dojo he saw his old swords, the ones he had not, could not use since Donatello's death. The moment his swords killed his brother was the day he took up the gun. Just looking at the shiny metal, reminded him of the blood that had been spilt. He bit his lip again to keep from sobbing for the loss of his family. He took deep breaths and tried to think of Ellis and Joe. For the rest of the morning he sat in the dojo thinking of his students, his children. The logical side of Leo's mind found it odd being back after so many years away. If he concentrated hard enough he could hear the hum of the air purifier that Donny built. He closed his eyes, as he sat on the mat, and hoped he would awaken from the bittersweet memory to a place where his ghosts couldn't get him.

* * *

Please rate and review. It helps me improve my writing.

Keep on reading

Fatcat


	2. Chapter 2: Fights

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own the Ninja Turtles. If I did there would be more hurt/comfort for Leo

**Warnings:** Swearing, Fighting and lots of brotherly angst.

**Rating:** T for Teen (For all of Raph's and Leo's swearing and fighting)

**Author's Note:** This is a very angst and drama filled chapter. I have no idea that the chapter would turn out this way. I was expecting a nice peaceful chat between the warring brothers but this came out instead. I think it has to do with my own family issues of my father and uncle fighting. This is not betaed so all spelling and grammar mistakes are mine. I also want to thank all of the people who reviewed and added me to their favorites/following lists. And I will be the first to admit that playing god is so much fun. So I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

* * *

Raphael had always prided himself for his strength and his passion. He didn't have the level headedness of his older brother, or the smarts of his younger brother, or the heart and carefree nature of his youngest brother, but what he did have was his strength and his passion. His strength was what helped him protect his family. His strength helped him take on twenty trained soldiers to create enough time for one of his brothers to create an escape plan. His strength His passion was what sometimes got him into trouble. His older brother calls his passion hot-headedness, his father calls it lack of patience his younger brother calls it too much energy, and his youngest brother calls it stupidity. His passion was what brought him to the rooftops of the city hunting crime. It was what drove him to protect the innocent and punish the wicked. It was what made him a vigilante.

His passion was what also led him to being stuck fighting a group of three thugs harassing a young woman. He had been patrolling the city streets when he heard the terrified cries of a young woman. He ran towards the screaming and found three thugs surrounding a small woman clutching her bag. Without thinking he jumped in and attacked the would-be attackers. The woman ran the moment the thugs were distracted. Knowing that the woman was safe, Raphael let himself go. He unsheathed his sais and attacked using his full power. Three fallen thugs and a few drinks at a local bar later he continued home.

As soon as he entered the lair he spotted his older brother fast asleep on the couch. He thanked his lucky stars that Leo was not awake. He was defiantly not in the mood for a lecture. He had just passed by the couch when Leo spoke.

"Go to sleep Ellis, we're leaving tomorrow early."

"Who's Ellis, Frearless?" Raph grinned internally as he finally found out something he could use as black mail on his older brother. He expected Leo to get flustered and try to change the subject. What he didn't expect was for his brother to leap off the couch, say his name and look at him as if he saw a ghost.

"Leo?"

"What time is it?" He heard Leo ask.

"About two in the morning. So who's Ellis," Raph asked, wanting to know more about the mysterious Ellis. He heard his brother sniff the air and bit back a groan. He knew that he was going to get another lecture.

"Have you been drinking?" Leo asked him. Raph felt his temper rising. He counted to ten before he answered.

"Yeah, what about it?" He braced himself for the lectures that Leo was famous for. They were a mixture of arrogance, hypocrisy, and a condescending attitude. At least according to Raph. He had in memorized by heart. It would start with 'where have you been' followed by 'are you an idiot' chased by 'you need to think about your family' ending with 'I'm better than you'. He felt himself grit his teeth as he waited for the lecture to start.

"I can't deal with this. Go to bed Raph, we have practice in the morning," was all Leo said. For a moment Raph thought he miss heard and the famous lecture would begin.

"Why should I?" Raph demanded. He wasn't used to this Leo. He wasn't used to the brother Leo. He wanted the leader Leo, the one who lectured and taunted and sneered, not the Leo who looked like he was about to start bawling.

"Well Fearless? Why. Should. I." Raph taunted after several moments of silence. He accented his point by poking his brother's plastron. He didn't expect to be punched for it.

"The hell Leo?" Raph snapped as he blocked another punch.

"You stupid idiot," Raph heard Leo snarl

"Leo!" Raph yelled trying to get his older brother's attention.

"You stupid, moronic, damned, idiot," his brother shouted as Raph dodged another kick to his head. Though he would never admit it, Raph was scared. He was scared of his normally even-headed brother. At that very moment his brother had snapped. For whatever reason his self control was gone.

"Leo, stop it!"

"You had everything! Sure we couldn't save everyone but that wasn't our job! Why did you have to be so damn selfish," Raphael's older brother screamed. Raphael saw his father and two younger brothers enter from behind Leo.

"My sons, stop this fighting at once," the ancient rat ordered. Raph was shocked when his older brother, Leonardo also called splinter junior, ignored his fathers demand. Leo never ignores master, Raph thought as he blocked another kick.

"I'm tryin' to Mastah, but its easier said than done," he shouted at his father. The whole time they had been fighting his brother was shouting insults and curses upon insults and curses. I don't understand why he is so angry, thought Raph, I only stayed out for a few hours and had one drink. I didn't even get into a fight.

"I did everything for you, tried everything for you and nothing worked. Lectures, fights, begging, nothing ever worked for you and I hate you for it. You left me alone, damn it, you left me alone. Then everything went to hell." Everything with that statement was wrong to Raph. When did I ever leave him alone? What does he mean everything went to hell and why does he refer to me in the past tense, Raph thought.

"What are you talkin' about bro? You're not makin' any sense." As soon as he finished uttering those words, his brother stopped. He stopped fighting, stopped moving and for a moment stopped breathing. He stared at everyone in a sort of daze. Raph watched as his brother fell like a marionette with no strings. Without a second thought he wrapped his arms around his older brother.

"Bro?" He called out. That word conveyed so much to the brothers. It conveyed peace, forgiveness, love. He could still feel slight tremors running though his older brother brothers body and the hitching of his breath as he tried to suppress his sobs.

"Why did you have to leave me alone? Why? I tried everything for you and still you left. Why?" Raph heard Leo say. Raph didn't know what to say. It took awhile for him to say anything and by the time the words came his older brother was asleep in his arms.

Slowly, as if he were holding a small child, he lifted his brother off the floor and on to the couch. He draped a blanket over top and pulled the lazy-chair closer to the couch.

"My son what happened," he heard his father ask.

"I'm not sure Splinter, I came home and he punched me. Maybe I started it but it was like he couldn't believe I was there Mastah," Raph said his voice quivering. He felt his two other brothers place their hands on his shoulders.

"Don't worry bro. We'll find out what's wrong," Donatello said.

"Yeah, bro. We'll, like, totally ask Leo tomorrow why he hit you. It was probably something you said," Michelangelo snickered.

"Now that I think about it, you're probably right," Donatello observed. "Though I was really impressed at some of the techniques he used. I mean the way he went for the throat-"

"Alright, alright, enough already. Off to bed, both of ya," Raph growled, halting all conversation. Both of his brothers gave him a glance before shrugging their shoulders and heading off to their respective rooms.

"What of you my son," his father asked.

"I think I'll just stay here, sensei. Make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

"I then will also stay."

"No, Mastah, I got it," Raph pleaded.

"Very well, my son, I shall go rest." Raph watched as the old rat pattered away. It was silent as he sat in the chair waiting for his brother to wake up and explain why he started fighting. It wasn't like Leo to suddenly lose his cool. Maybe I was late just one night too many, Raph thought. It's just so unlike Leo to start fighting like that. Most of the time we have to really push to make him loose his cool like that.

As the night progressed, Raph listened to the snores of his family. Michelangelo had a loud snore that Raph was sure could awaken all of New York. It was loud and never ending. There was no let up and no break. Donatello's snores were quieter then his youngest brother but not by much. Raph was grateful for the breaks they would receive when Don turned to his sides. Splinter's snores were quiet and high pitched. They were more of a squeak then an actual snore. Leo almost never snored. When he did snore it was always followed by a cough since he only snored when he had colds. But for all of his complaining, these snores were Raphael's lullaby. It always reminded him that he was safe and loved, though he would never tell his family that even under threat of torture. With his lullaby filling the lair, Raphael eventually fell into a light slumber.

Leo's 'what the hell,' is what wakes Raph up. It's soft, hardly above a whisper, but it is what brings Raph away from slumber. At first he was not sure what it was that woke him up until he hears the squeaks and creaks of the couch.

"Leo, you okay now?" he asked as the last of sleep fell away. He watched his brother, tense and ready to move if his brother wasn't okay. Leo was quiet for a moment as the events caught up to him. Raph watches and saw the exact moment his brother remembered.

"Master Splinter? Mike-"

"I sent them back to sleep," he explained gruffly, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not tonight Raph. Please just not tonight," Leo pleaded. Raph was flabbergasted. His leader, his larger than life, perfect brother just begged him, Raph, to leave him alone. This time he looked at Leo and really saw him for the first time that night. What he saw surprised him. He saw that Leo had dark circles under his eyes, was trembling, and had a suspicious shine to his eyes. The younger brother was now worried.

"Leo?" He called out gaining his older brother's attention.

"Just go. Please Raph just go." Something was defiantly wrong with his big brother and he was going to find out.

"Leo," Raph started but was immediately cut off by Leo.

"We'll talk in the morning, I promise." Raph knew the look that Leo was giving him. It was the I-won't-talk-even-if-I'm-being-tortured look. He knew that he would have to make a strategic withdrawal even though it killed him a bit inside. Scowling, Raph headed to his room to find the illusive sleep. All he got was tossing and turning on his bed thinking of his big brother.

The next morning Raphael went to dojo expecting to find Leo perfecting his kata with his swords. Instead he found his brother sitting on a meditation mat staring off into space. For a moment he thought that Leo was meditating until he saw that his brother's eyes were open and he didn't have the peaceful expression he normally wore when meditating. He found a mat from the corner and plopped down across from his brother.

"You gonna talk now fearless?" Raph asked. It was a moment before he got any sort of a reply.

"This is real, isn't it," Leo murmured. It was so soft Raph almost didn't catch it.

"Of course this is real Leo! Why aren't you makin' any sense? And the fight last night, what is going on Leo? Why are you so mad?" Raph said, his frustration building.

"You want to know why I'm angry? Do you really want to know," Leo seemed to seethe as he got to his feet.

"That's why I'm askin', Fearless," Raph said jumping to his feet like his brother.

"You."

"What?"

"You are why I am so angry. You."

"Me! I'm what's making you angry?" Raph asked in disbelief.

"Yes, you. You have everything here. Sure it's not perfect but at least you have a family who loves you. And what do you do in return to that family, you come home late, drunk or beat up," Leo snapped. Raph felt himself start to shake with rage.

"So it's my fault, huh?" Raph growled. "It's my fault that I get beat up when I'm trying to save someone? So it's my fault that I have to get drunk so I don't get swallowed up by the guilt?" He watched as his older brother paced with his own frustration and rage. Leo's movements were quick and sharp as he walked back and forth in front of his brother.

"Yes it is," Leo bellowed. "Because you go looking for your fights. I understand that if on a training run you find someone that needs help and you help them, but you actively search for fights. I understand wanting to save everyone but you can't. And you can't drink away guilt! You have to face it head on."

"You arrogant, hypocritical-"

"Yeah I'm arrogant and sure hypocritical too, trying to save everyone, but guess what, saving those people isn't our job! Our job is to fight the foot, the shredder, and aliens or things that are like us. We don't get involved in human affairs."

"Human affairs? Do you even hear yourself? Those people need our help and you don't want to help them," Raph yelled.

"They have their own police, they don't need our help."

"Yeah they do! People are dying everyday out there and you're to cowardly to help them."

"People die everyday and don't you ever say I'm a coward," Leo seethed. He was face to face with Raph, his eyes bright with suppressed rage. Raph scowled at his brother as he suppressed his own anger.

"Coward! All you ever want to do is hide away in the Lair," Raph taunted. "All those people dying and you want to hide. That is what cowards do." The punch came out of nowhere and sent him crashing to the ground. His brother stood over him, shaking with rage. Raph lay there and waited for the second kick or punch.

"Fuck you, Raph," was all Leo said. "I'm going topside." Raph watched from the floor as his older brother stormed from the dojo. He barely gave a glance to his younger brothers who were watching from outside the door. As soon as Leo had vanished both Michelangelo and Donatello came barging in through the door.

"Are you okay bro?" they said simultaneously as they helped him off the ground.

"Yeah," Raph murmured. He had never seen his brother that angry with him. He had seen that rage when he was fighting an enemy, but never with him. He felt himself shiver in fear as he remembered the look his older brother gave him. It made him feel lower then dirt, lower then pond scum, lower then the enemies they faced on a daily basis.

"I know you mean well but I didn't think it was wise to provoke him the way you did. I mean after last night, I figured you would have treaded lighter then the way you did. He seemed pretty mad," Donatello remarked.

"Yeah dude! You were, like, supposed to patch things up from last night, not make things worse."

"Shut up, Mikey," Raph yelled.

"But Raph-"

"All I asked was what was makin' him so mad. Know what he said? He said that it was my fault he was mad! I didn't do nothin' to deserve that," Raph said. Both his brothers were silent.

"Should we go after him," Donatello asked.

"No you won't my sons," came Master Splinter's voice from the door. "Let your brother calm down. He will return when he is ready."

"But sensei," the three brothers whined.

"Enough! Give your brother his space."

"Yes sir, Master Splinter," said three simultaneous voices.

"It's time for morning practice as it is," Splinter said. He heard three groans and couldn't help but smirk when he walked out the Dojo's doorway. He listened as his three younger sons prepared for practice.

Raph helped his two brothers set up the Dojo as they started early morning practice. It normally had Leo leading the brothers but since he was out, Raph had to lead. It normally started off with light cardio, followed by stretching, with hard cardio after, followed up by weights or anaerobic activity, and completed with katas. Leo normally would have the brothers run in place or jumping jacks for their light cardio. Yoga was their stretching, and a running game of some sort was the hard cardio. Anaerobic activity was push-ups and sit-ups followed by weights. Katas always came last for Leo. The cool down process was always cleaning up the Dojo.

Raph planned to do their morning work out differently. He first started his brothers off with a game of tag, which was followed by stretching. It was normal stretching and not yoga stretching. After stretching came the Katas. Light cardio came next, full of jumps and flips followed by weight lifting. Raph did get annoyed at his brothers for the constant complaining but they soon stopped half way through the game of tag. As for cool down, it was just more stretching and walking around the Dojo twice. Raph dismissed them for breakfast.

After a really quiet breakfast, each person worrying about Leo, Raph returned to the Dojo. He hooked up his punching bag and started attacking the bag full of sand. He hit the bag with a loud thwack and started a rhythm going; thwack, thwack, pause, thwack, thwack, thwack, pause, thwack, thwack, pause. He got lost in his punching as the morning events rolled over in his mind. Leo was not acting like himself and it was scaring Raph.

In his heart, Raph knew he was able to act out because of Leo. Leo was so even-headed that it gave Raph a chance to get rid of some of his passion and pent up anger. He knew, deep down, that if push came to shove Leo would help him out of any situation. He knew that big brother was always on his side. Now he wasn't so sure. The new hotheaded Leo scared Raph, if Leo was now the irresponsible brother that left Raph as being the responsible one. The thought alone terrified him.

Raph continued hitting the punching bag until all of his emotions were gone. He didn't even notice he started crying until after he was kneeling on the ground with his arms wrapped around his stomach, sobbing. All I want is my big brother back, Raph thought in the empty Dojo. Just give me my big brother. He felt a withered paw on his shoulder as he cried away his fear and guilt.

* * *

Please rate and review and leave comments. It helps me learn and grow as a writer.

Keep on reading

Fatcat


End file.
